Bringing back the pain
...written on 2004-10-07, @ 7:28 p.m.
I should probably be doing my laundry right now...okay...I'm making myself feel so guilty that I might as well run downstairs and at least see if the washer is open...
Ok..now that is done...remind me when I buy my first washing machine that i want a top-loading one. Shhh don't tell anyone, but our washer only take 50 cents in quarters even though it is supposed to take $1.50! And there is a way that we could pay with a quarter on a string, but I'm too afraid that it would break apart and people would find out. Now if only the dryer took 25 cents instead of $1.25!
My house is amazing. I just realized what the second set of creaky small stairs hidden away behind the doors were for: they were the servant steps! And next to the washing machine is one of those dumb-waiter thingies...but of course it is all closed up. I wish it was open..that would be cool...sending stuff up to people on other floors! I need people to come visit me so I can show off my awesome house.
I'm still really upset with Seth. And I shouldn't even be thinking about him anymore. He is such a jerk. And I still freaking care about him. Which makes me hate myself even more. Today, he gets online, IM's me a link to see a pic of his friend Dusty doing poi. Now I <3 Dusty, he's an awesome guy, very sweet and friendly and he is amazing at poi. I tell him the pic is coolness, he's like 'yeah I hope to be like that someday' and then immediately sticks up an away message on me.
He must have given up on the pretext of pretending to be friendly and pretending to care. Because soooo many times he'd be insisting that he cares a lot about me, when we both know now it was lie. Whatever happened to the cute sweet kandi Seth, the one who was ready to cry when I was leaving his house? I was still half asleep, lying in his bed when he was getting ready for work, and he looks down at me and goes 'god girl i'm gonna miss you so much'. It was a cute memory. And now it just brings a giant pain in the middle of my heart. A few weeks ago when I left, I could have just walked right out the door and he wouldn't even have known that I had left. As soon as the alarm went off for me to get up and find Thomas, he rolled back over and fell asleep. I had to wake him up to say good bye.
Now I'm all depressed and have to do homework. Blah to life.