Just a hug please
...written on 2004-10-04, @ 10:25 p.m.
Is it really too much for me to ask just for someone to care about me? In any little sort of way? But inherent in this caring about would be that the person must show it, somehow, everyday. Even if it's a random email saying 'Hi I love you! I hope you have a great day!', or a phone call, or maybe a letter in the mail. You know, the kind of stuff I used to do for people. Until I got tired of putting myself out there so much and never getting any sort of thanks back in return.
I haven't heard the words 'I love you' in a long time. Wait...I lie. Thomas said them to me..twice..a couple days ago. I like talking with Thomas. He makes it seem that he cares. But we talk so rarely. And since I will never go back to Seth's house again (or so I say) I won't be seeing Thomas again. Unless he gets his own apartment, as in his own apartment not with Seth.
Even if someone didn't really love me, it would nice to at least feel it, even if it wasn't real. That is how much I'm craving someone who cares.
Poor Phil. I think I'm getting clingy to him. It's just so much fun to be able to talk to someone and be serious or be silly and crazy. With Brad I couldn't be silly because that was "too juvenile". I couldn't be myself with him. Ugh. I'm mad at him for how he acted.
And I'M SO FREEZING COLD! The heat finally came on in the dorm today. And what does one of my roommates do? She promptly opens a window. She says she likes being chilly. I don't. I get sick when I'm cold. I get cranky when I'm cold. I don't even have a blanket to keep warm in. Or long sleeve clothing. I don't know how much longer I can survive...I have to last until the weekend, when I can go home and escape from school.
But...I'd rather have someone who cares about me than ever be warm again.